I Miss You!

I am having a bittersweet moment as I realize that I am back in the world, on my own again. There is some things I missed so much. The independents to go and do whatever you want, usually whenever you want. There is a sort of freedom and fun involved with being unattached. But I have lived in some form of a community for two years now (more intensely this last year). In some ways I have become like a tamed animal being re-released into the wild and I am constantly having to deal with things that are surprising to me.

I am completely indecisive and it is driving me crazy (and probably starting to drive my friends crazy as well). At first I thought it was just something I needed to shake off, like a new form of jet lag. But as the days have gone by I finally realized last night what is my issue. I have not had to make nearly as many decisions in over two years! What do I want to eat? Well I am use to the meal being laid out for me and me just determining what portion sizes I want. Where do I want to go? Yeah, the schedule was pretty routine too. What do I want to do in the evenings? Again, another routine that was only rarely varied. Even something like picking out a movie usually involved 10 people.

I even caught myself wandering around after my friends. I am use to being with people...all of the time. It's funny being able to sit down and read a book on the couch and NOT having people interrupt every five minutes to know what I am reading, if I wanted to do something later or to tell me about their day. I have become accustomed to interruptions. Having people always there.

And I miss my people! It is something I feel every few hours. I want to know what they are doing, almost to the point where I think maybe I can go back to Liberia for a few days. I am enjoying being here in Lesotho with friends who are so familiar and I have known for so many years they are like family, but I still miss my MS friends, my newer family members. I miss Red, who knows me so well it's sometimes scary when she calls me out on stuff. She would definitely be a co-author in any "Shayla For Dummies" book. I miss Ali (my Ali-gator), who is so funny and silly, but insightful and just awesome to be around. I miss Carson, who is a great special friend and always knows the conversation question to ask that will get under my skin (in a good way). I miss being able to find him just because and not needing a reason to hang out. I miss Phil, shoot the boy is funny and always real (I love real honesty!). I miss the sassy moms club, especially Hanneke and Sally. I am always surprised by what they say and yet not shocked at the same time. I miss my Brazilian family Tatyana, Estevam and even Rodrigo! I miss being able to just relax and be myself since they seemed to be able to take whatever I could throw out.

I miss people who left before I did but have also left holes. I miss Yvonne, my Norwegian sister! She loves me just the way I am, but always knows how to tell me when to hush and encourages me to be a better person. I miss Sarah, who seems to always see me, even in the dark times. Her hugs are legendary and she is my Sarah-bear. I miss Megan aka Megatron. The girl is weird, random, and very messy but she is also genuine, funny and has creativity oozing out of her. I miss Nadine, who can sing as sweetly as an angel and has a heart that loves. I miss Sean (my brother always), who is such a teenage boy with so much to learn but who is also very loving and loves to have fun.

There are so many people, families, couples, kids that I miss. I could not begin to write them all down. It really is amazing when you look back at the people who impact your life. I am so grateful for all of the memories that I have and the people that i have met. And am so happy that a few will be see you later instead of goodbye. I can not wait for the day of hello to come again!