Night Prowlers

There is a very heart breaking reality that hundreds of women live every night – prostitution. These “street walkers” live a life that I can barely understand and could never imagine. Unlike the prostitutes reflected in movies, many of these women are not on drugs but are just trying to earn money for food in one of the only jobs available to them. And unlike the character Julie Roberts played in Pretty Woman these women will not get swept off their feet by a rich guy who wants to offer them a better life.

Last night we went out to eat at the Bamboo Bar. The restaurant was pretty empty – my party of five and three NGO (non-governmental organization) guys having a working dinner two tables over. Then two Liberian ladies walked in and sat down next to the UN table. I watched as they ordered beers but did not drink a sip. After an hour of sitting, facing the UN guys, they finally seemed to realize that the guys were not interested. By this point my friend Sarah asked if I thought they were prostitutes. Normally I would not judge a table of ladies out for the evening in this manor. But after two years in Africa I can spot the signs: going to casual places like a restaurant dressed for a night out on the town, ordering drinks because they are the cheapest item on the menu but not drinking them, and continually looking at the prospective clients to try and catch their attention.

Eventually, after more than an hour, the ladies decided to move on to another table. By now another group of guys had come into the restaurant so they picked up their belongings and beer and walked to the opposite side of our group to sit next to these new guys. We left before them so I do not know if they were successful. But it broke my heart sitting their and watching these ladies do everything reasonably acceptable to catch the attention of these guys. What’s even sadder is that it is a common and accepted reality.

I was told that a popular beach-side restaurant exclusively hires prostitutes as waitresses because of the number of NGO men who frequent that beach and restaurant. And I have been personally approached on a number of occasions by ladies in the business and men looking for ladies in the business.

There is one local hang out in particular that I have had this happen so often that I have refused to go there since October. Below are two of my experiences:

One night a few of us wanted to go out so after trying to get a group together it ended up being four guys and myself. I did not mind since I was comfortable with all of the guys so off we went. After being there for only a few minutes I noticed a number of ladies eyeing the guys in my group, but none of them made a move until we got up to leave. This one group of three ladies walked right up to me and asked if they could join me since I “would not be able to handle all of the guys myself”. They told me to “share with them and introduce them to my dates”. After explaining to them that I was not sleeping with these men and was not a prostitute they went directly to the guys and began catcalling offers and enticing lines. This made all of the guys extremely uncomfortable and we made our way to the taxi as the guys used me as a shield between themselves and the women. This only infuriated them more as they called me selfish and other words not worth repeating.

The other event I will mention is an example of what I have sadly experienced more times than I care to count. On Friday and Saturday nights there is a live band that plays amazing music at this same location. After dancing to a number of songs I headed back to our tables only to be grabbed on my upper arm by a very large, very drunk white man. *I only mention his race because this is one of the well known facts in Liberia – the prostitutes are not supported by the locals but by the white men who come to work in various organizations (in particular the UN).* He proceeded to ask me “how much a night would be?” and even complemented me by saying I was a pretty girl. After quickly snatching my arm back I proceeded to tell him that I was not a prostitute and that he should be ashamed of himself for exploiting such a sad and unsafe activity. I think he was too drunk to listen or remember but I did. The first time this happened I cried. I was appalled that they would mistake me as one of “them”. Eventually I realized that to them I am a black girl surrounded by a group of white people and this conclusion was their most logical thought...

And sadly it is a stereotype that is justly based and not normally incorrect.

The Countdown Begins?

Today is a big day. It's the 21st of May. And that means I leave Liberia in exactly 2 months (though I will not be home for almost another 4 months...more on that later). I'm not quite sure at this point how I feel. I have all of the initial feelings bouncing around that range from extremely excited to slightly depressed. There is so much that comes with having The Date. To put the final seal on the drama and significance of today, I received a package from my travel agent (hi Bob) that contained my airline tickets. No changing my mind...no looking back.

I am excited to leave for many reasons: I am eager to see my family, friends and church members and really want to meet my niece. Being in a foreign culture can wear on you and a break from foreign back to familiar is always nice - it is surprisingly refreshing. I am eager to start a new adventure (more details to follow I am sure).

I am also sad for many reasons: I have made some friendships here that have changed my views on myself and how I interact with others. I am comfortable here and going into the unfamiliar is always a challenge (even if it is good unfamiliar it still requires change). I am returning home and that also involves facing a lot of unknowns (future plans) and changes (people and relationships do not pause).

Someone asked me yesterday if I have started the countdown to my departure date. I have decided now would be way to early...it would make things harder if anything. Because I would begin to want to be gone instead of living in the here and now. It would be like the "senioritis" that a lot of students get at the end of their senior year - you start to check out mentally. And I want to finish strong and that requires being checked in mentally. So while I make plans for my departure I will resist the urge to check out, plan too far in advance, or get excited with the energy that a countdown produces.

A Movie Worth Watching

*I sent this out as an e-mail originally:

There is a documentary being shown TODAY, 13 May called "A Walk to Beautiful". I know this is very late notice. Sorry, but I was up country all weekend and only found out it was being shown this morning.

It is an excellent movie that tells the stories of five Ethiopian women who suffer from obstetric fistula (a childbirth complication that causes chronic incontinence) and follows their journeys to a hospital that provides fistula surgery. This is the condition that I wrote about in my last newsletter, which is also known as Vesicovaginal fistula.

I have been told it is airing tonight at 8 pm on the PBS/ NOVA stations (in Gainesville Ch 5 and Ft Lauderdale Ch 2). It is also showing later in the week, so if you can not watch it tonight I would recommend that you try to see it later, record it, TIVO it, whatever! It really is a beautifully done film and took over 2 years to shoot in Ethiopia. One of the doctors who performs these surgeries on the ship also works at this hospital and he is the one who let us see a copy on board.

http://www.walktobeautiful.com/

International Diversity

This weekend I attended a baby shower on board. It was for the Koontz family who are expecting their fourth child in August. They are also my adoptive family (long story short, I adopted myself into their family). In many ways it was like any other baby shower: ladies, food, and lots of pink and blue balloons. The neat part of the entire shower was how many countries were represented at the shower. There were at least nine that I counted: the United States, Canada, Brazil, England, Germany, the Netherlands, Sweden, Ghana and South Africa.

And I realized how international so much of our life is simply because of the people within our community. I had "Happy Birthday" sung to me in 8 different languages on my birthday. At first it was just a nice way to let crew members express themselves in the native language. But then it became an adventure to see how many different languages I could hear in one day. So my birthday was celebrated in English, Afrikaans, Dutch, Danish, Spanish, Norwegian, Faroese, and Filipino.

Another time our international diversity is visible is at Academy events. There are about 50 children on board and it is always amazing to see how culturally diverse these children are. My bunk mate Elizabeth, who is currently the preschool teacher and will serve as the first grade teacher next year, realized that her class of four students will be from four different countries next year. What makes this special, and also a bit difficult, is that English is not the first language for many of the kids or their parents.

Patience and understanding are required ingredients in our international community!