Unexpected Sass

There is a patient on the Ward that I have taken to visiting. Her name is Bendu and she is also 24. she is a patient that I have seen for awhile, while each of my Adopt-A-Patients have come and gone.

Sidebar: My patients keep getting sent home. I must have some sort of undiagnosed healing power because after one visit most of my patients are ready for discharge. While visiting Alfred, a 3 month old cleft lip patient from Sierra Leone, I met David, a six year old maxillofacial patient who was just admitted that night. The next day I was told that Alfred had been sent home so I went and signed up for David. He had surgery that day and they decided he could be an outpatient case. So he was gone before I saw him again. But since I was already on the Ward I figured I should still play with someone. So I hung out with Yei a beautiful 17 year old girl. The next day I adopted Yei as my patient and spent the evening with her. But she was sent home after a few days - leaving me alone again.

Bendu is a "long term" patient on the Ward, meaning unlike our 2-5 days patients she will be there for awhile. So I've taken to going down to the Ward to see her and a few other longer termed patients like Joanna. These ladies are so much fun and there is always something new to discuss. Recently Bendu and I have taken up playing Uno together. She is extremely competitive and talks trash like a professional! So every evening I'm down there we play 3 or 4 games and she keeps track of who is winning. Well last night we could not find the Uno cards. Her exact words (translated from Liberian English) were "someone from A-Ward took them during the day and did not return them! I'm going to find them!". Then she stormed off out of B-Ward only to decide at the door that I needed to come with her. So she turned around, grabbed my arm, and proceeded to half-drag me to the next Ward. There she interrogated every patient looking for who had the cards. After I told her she needed to be nicer she told me to go wait for her on her bed!

After completing her unsuccessful interrogation she returned highly upset. I tried to tell her that we could just hang out but she wanted to win. Being around Bendu is always fun but is also a little difficult. She is a lot of fun and full of unexpected sass (seriously, if I call someone sassy you know they are). But it is also very hard to look at her and watch her function with her limited mobility. While reading over firelight Bendu burnt her head, entire face, and down the right side of her body including her arm, hand and fingers. Her heard is completely wrapped in gauze to protect her recent skin graphs. These will allow her to blink her eyelids - right now one eye lid is almost completely sealed shut while the right eye is open enough for her to make her way around.

Bendu has spirit! She is feisty and fierce, smart and sassy, lovely and full of personality. But looking at Bendu is often hard because her scars and burns are extreme and very grotesque. I continually have to remind myself that she is still there - that the exterior is damaged but she is still Bendu within. And I need to suck it up because she has to live everyday like this. The good thing is she is definitely living and full of life.

I want to leave you with the soft side of Bendu to counter the sass: she did eventually calm down and was distracted by the movie playing: Mary Poppins. We watched Julie Andrews and Dick Van Dyke dance to the chimney sweeper rooftop number "Step In Time". And in an instant she was transformed to a kid watching a movie. She ooh-ed and aah-ed at the dance sequence and I had to hold back laughing as she got more and more into the dancing. I asked her if she'd seen the movie before, because she was so impressed with it, and she said yes. This made me watch her watching Mary Poppins. She is amazing to watch - even when sassy!

Seniority's Price Tag

Last week my roommate left. So for the first time since my first three days on the ship I was able to sleep in the bottom bunk. Since I am in the back cubicle of our six-birth I do have a bit more moving space (think 2 feet) than the front two cubicles. This space is precious and no joke when this narrow, windowless cubicle is your entire living space for a year. So it was with pleasure that I claimed the bottom bunk and the entire back cubicle for myself! After checking the housing spreadsheet I realized that my six-birth would at most have five people allowing me to keep this space to myself (currently there are three of us with a fourth coming in next week).

Before leaving my roommate Elizabeth asked how I would pull off keeping the back space to myself. I reassured her that I could and I would. But then as my date of staking my claim came closer I realized that having a strategy and argument in my favor was not a bad idea. Luckily, I needed neither and my roommates have graciously allowed me the space without a second thought. But my argument was going to be seniority. After 11 months, of sharing this space, and sleeping on the top bunk I felt this was an earned reward. And the two other ladies have only been here for a month they would probably have had very little room for arguing.

Yesterday I was re-evaluating my argument and realized that I own Deck 3! I have been on this deck the longest out of everyone now that Elizabeth is gone and have at least 3 months on the next person. So I have named myself the Queen of Deck 3 but have also realized that owning your own kingdom does bring responsibilities. I ran this thought past Mary Lou, the official ship grandma and most amazing left over hippie I know, and she agreed. She mentioned that she had to speak to one of the young ladies at the beach this past weekend who had a non-MSA (Mercy ship Approved) bathing suit on. I caught myself the other day almost speaking to a young lady who works in the Dining Room who was suspected of wearing Ward scrubs as casual clothing (she was cleared of these charges after we learned that she was volunteering with the Eye Team for a few days).

It is weird to have leadership thrust upon you. I often get it because I have a bit of a strong personality and have always been a natural leader. It is even weirder earning the responsibility and undesired responsibility by default. Having to set the example or enforce the rules simply because you have served the longest is not easy and not always fun. Even people who like leadership do not always enjoy when they have to use their authority in a negative way (besides Donald trump very few bosses enjoy firing people). A few weeks ago I had to go enforce the dress code to one young lady (these new girls seem to insist on breaking, bending and altering the rules - young whipper snappers). Our skirts and shorts are suppose to cover our knees, even when sitting, and she was wearing a skirt that did not cover her knees while standing. I was going to let this slide since it was not blatantly short. But then she sat on one of the couches and proceeded to bend her legs under her! What was happening in her head I am not sure. But this forced my hand and I had to tell her about her skirt and how to sit like a lady in one. I felt like my mom (love you mom). It was awkward. I guess that awkward, weird, undesired feeling and the need to enforce the rules is the price of seniority.

Sacrifice

Yesterday, at our community meeting, we had a local Liberian pastor as a guest speaker. He spoke on God's grace but there was one part of his talk that I have thought about all day. He mentioned how he was separated from his family during the civil war and at one point fled to Nigeria on a gun boat. He said he would go into the bush and cry from missing them, but would have to wipe off his face and put on a fake smile as he walked down the street. He then compared this feeling of separation and loneliness to our sacrifice in coming to Liberia. He said that he knew how we felt because we were far from loved ones and must get lonely too as we have to deal with this consequence of our sacrifice.

As he complemented us I wanted to laugh (not to be rude but out of shock). Yes, it is a big sacrifice being away from our family and friends and living here. It is very lonely at times and sometimes very hard. There are times when I cry or feel depressed as I remember all that I had or realize all that I am missing. But I would NEVER compare this to Rev. Jerry's experience! He was hiding from rebel troops and was separated from his family because of a 14 year war. He fled to another country out of a need for survival, not to do humanitarian work and bring social justice. I just thought it was amazing and unjust for him to think of these sacrifices and the sorrow that was caused as equal.

But his feelings are very similar to what we often get here. People are amazed that we would give of our time and resources in such a way for them. They see our sacrifices as huge when I just see it as what is expected. To change the world sacrifices will be required. Great sacrifices. This type of call will never be easy and it will never be without some type of sacrifice. Loving and caring for others, wanting a better world for all, forcing change has always required some sacrifice and has always had its share of sorrow. This has been since the beginning of the world and will be the norm long after we have passed on. People have always sacrificed in order to bring change.

There are some things that I know I have sacrificed to be here. And there are some sacrifices that I may not know about now or in the future. And there will be future sacrifice, both big and small, that I will make as I continue to serve. I guess I will have to remain honored, bewildered, and humbled as this lovely man compares his our sacrifices to mine. Hopefully I will always do the comparison justice.

How To Change The World

Life can be overwhelming. Looking around and seeing a need bigger than yourself can be discouraging. Poverty, destruction, hunger, war, death, hurt are everywhere. If you look at the news for a minute you’ll know this. If you think you can take it all, do it all, fix it all by yourself you are in for a big failure. And if you think it would be better to turn away, ignore it all, pretend it is not there you are probably failing too.

In today’s world everything is big: think big, buy big, build big, but the key to changing the world we live in is small. Help one another, love one another. Change one person's life, even in a small way, and you change their future and their world. Then hopefully they can go and change someone else’s world. Because if we try to do it all we will burn out quickly. And if we try to ignore it we actually add fuel to the destruction.

So go change someone’s world - today. Stop thinking about getting involved and do something. Go serve at the local shelter, invite someone new to your home, simply look outside of your world and you will find something you can do to change it. There are probably a few hundred volunteer programs in your community if you just ask.

Here are a few ideas:

• volunteer with an established organization*: Big Brother/ Big Sister, YMCA


• visit a local hospital, nursing home, or neighbor (a smile and hello goes a long way)


• serve at a homeless shelter, food bank program, after school program, disciple a young person


• clean up your neighborhood, local park, street corner

We often have a Superman mentality when we think about changing the world: if it is small and not world changing it does not count, so I will remain paralyzed by the overwhelming task and my inability to put a dent in it. I am not saying go cure AIDS, though it would be nice to share this cure if you happen to know it. And I am not saying do not go solve the AIDS epidemic because one day, hopefully, someone will be able to attack a giant of this magnitude. I am simply saying stop talking about doing something good. Either do it or be quiet. I know this may seem harsh but it is not. Because if you are going to start doing instead of just saying then I am happy to give that little push. And if you are full of hot air and good ideas but don't plan on getting off of the couch then I do not want to hear about it - it would just make me crazy.

* For myself, I have been investigating volunteer options with the Red Cross for when I return home.

QUOTE: Jim Elliot

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."

Philip James Elliot (08 October 1927 - 08 January 1956) was an Christian missionary to Ecuador who, along with four others, was killed while attempting to reach the Waodani people.

Shaylhonest

So I have had a number of people comment on the fact that I have not written anything in a few weeks, which is unacceptable. The truth is I have written plenty...I just have not POSTED anything. I have about 5 drafts written but do not feel it would be wise to post these until they have been read, re-read and edited for pessimism and cynicism.

The reality is that I have felt very pessimistic recently. It has been hard to remain happy as another turnover occurs and so many people I have spent time with and care about are leaving. The hardest part is that a lot of these people were serving before me so they helped make the ship feel like home and now I do not know what it is suppose to be. I went walking on the dock last night by myself. Not because I wanted to walk alone, clear my head, but because I had no one to walk with. I walked up and down the dock past couples enjoying the sunset, the families enjoying their after dinner ritual, and all of the evening joggers. And I felt alone for one of the first times in a few months. Yes, I could have joined a family or walked with a couple or interrupted a private conversation but I really did not want to. I wanted someone to walk with. And it made me realize how many friends I have made, who have now departed, and appreciate the time we spent together. There are still a few stragglers who have not departed - and they make me laugh. The good thing is I know there are a few people I will see again.

The other reality is that my time will also be ending sooner rather than later. There is something about the end of a chapter that makes one reflect. I have begun processing what I have experienced, what I have learned and what is still as gray and confusing as when I arrived. This also includes reflecting on what Mercy Ships is - what it really is and not what is publicized (this is where the cynicism comes in). If you think living in a community, with a bunch of Christians, while serving in Africa is a cake walk you have NO idea. Yes, there are times when it is wonderful, but that is more about the individual people that I am making memories with rather than the community or organization that we are a part of.

I will touch on this in a future edited but still honest blog. A phrase this one former crew member Chad coined was "there's honest and then there is Shaylhonest".