This Fighter Needed To Cry

Today was one of those mornings when throwing in the towel seems like the best option. No really, I pictured myself curled up with one of my favorite old books, eating straight from the Ben & Jerry’s Half-Baked carton, without a care in the world. And this mental image was a plane ride away from being a reality that I could live with.

We all have bad days. We’re human which means we have to deal with personalities and opinions, emotions and stresses, and work to live with other humans on a daily basis. Living and working abroad takes the regular stresses of life and magnifies them. And no matter how long I am international, how many countries and cultures I live in, the various jobs I hold, or how adjusted I get to being an ex-pat there is always one bad day that makes me think of going home early and burning my passport - which I would never really do since they cost too much money to simply burn and the idea of not having one freaks me out (I like the idea that I can flee if necessary Borne/James Bond style)

Back to today: it started great! My yogurt & granola breakfast was filling and extra yummy since I had a piece of watermelon to go with it. I sang along to a number of old favorites while I got ready and the internet worked from the moment I woke up. And my walk was pretty enjoyable since the sun wasn’t unbearable and the streets were relatively free of dust-spewing buses and dog crap (makes walking a very meticulous process some days). I had to make a stop before work to the shop where our textiles are sewn to hand over the labels that had arrived the day before from the US for a very large and important order. Normally my visits to the shop go fine and the owner is amiable. This morning was not to go so well. Let’s just say he made a major mistake with the order and instead of being open to fixing the problem he decided to blame me and then insist that he did not want to work with me anymore. Luckily, after years of unsuccessful attempts, I am the master of my tongue and was able to control my temper. I ended his rant by saying he needed to speak to the women in my office and then marched to work near tears. Explaining what had gone wrong was too much for my emotional damn when I reached the office and I proceeded to cry out all of the stress I’ve felt with this project since July.

I think it was a very healthy cry. Sometimes admitting life is stressful, language barriers suck, and some people are mean is the most human thing you can do. Plus getting hugs and words of encouragement from my little Mayan bosses is a nice reminder that I still have work to do and can’t quit now. And let’s be honest, I’m too much of a fighter to quit!